Life lately has felt a little strange, if I’m honest. I turned 50 a few months ago and I don’t think anyone really prepares you for how oddly blurred this stage of life can feel sometimes. Not terrible. Not dramatic. Just… a bit off somehow.
Some days I feel completely myself — inspired, excited, full of ideas and wanting to create all the things. Other days, I sit at my computer procrastinating for hours, wondering where the day disappeared to and why my body feels so uncomfortable all the time. I know hormones are definitely playing a part because wow… they really don’t mess around do they?!
One thing I’ve really noticed about life lately — and maybe midlife in general — is how differently I feel about clothes and comfort now. I used to love putting outfits together and wearing all the quirky things I bought when I first discovered Vinted (honestly, I went a little feral on there for a while lol), but recently I seem to live mostly in hoodies and Halara stretchy trousers these days. And honestly? Sometimes that’s all I can cope with.
In fact, I’m actually planning on selling some of the quirky clothes and shoes because deep down, I know I’m probably never going to wear a lot of them. Especially the shoes. They’re gorgeous and I absolutely love them… but realistically, what’s the point in them just sitting there looking pretty in a cupboard while I reach for the same comfy things every day? And weirdly… I don’t even feel sad about it anymore.
I think maybe I’m learning that style doesn’t always have to mean discomfort or dressing for some imaginary version of yourself. Sometimes it’s just about feeling comfortable in your own skin… whatever that looks like on any given day.
Another thing life lately has brought with it is a bit of a creativity slump. I haven’t really made dolls or done many deeply creative projects recently because I just haven’t quite felt mentally there enough for it. The strange thing is, I still want to create. I’ve even bought more dollmaking books lately because clearly my brain still believes in Future Me lol.
But despite all of that, life hasn’t been bad at all. That’s the weird part. There have actually been some really lovely moments lately.
One of the most magical was visiting a rescue horse sanctuary where we spent time quietly walking with the horses. There was something so calming and grounding about it. You know when something just feels good for your soul? It was one of those experiences.
We also went out with two other couples to play crazy golf recently and somehow Michael and I won! I’m still convinced it was an absolute fluke, but Michael keeps proudly telling everyone how well I played, which honestly makes me laugh every time.
I’ve still been doing my gentle yoga every weekday morning too, and my yoga hammock is finally up properly at the right height. I’ve done a couple of YouTube classes with it and WOW… I was not prepared for how much it would work muscles I clearly haven’t used in years. I ached for days afterwards. DAYS. But at the same time, it also felt kind of good? Like my body waking up a little.
One thing I am really happy about in my life lately is that I finally broke out of the massive reading slump I’d been stuck in for the past few years. Earlier this year something just clicked again and I’ve been reading loads ever since, which feels amazing because I genuinely missed it so much.
I mentioned some of the witchier books I’d been reading earlier this year, but lately I’ve become completely obsessed with the Morganville Vampires series by Rachel Caine. I’m nearly finished with book seven already! They’re just SO easy to read in the best possible way. Rachel Caine writes quite similarly to how I write myself — very straightforward, not overly flowery or full of loads of poncy descriptions lol. Just really good storytelling that keeps you hooked. I’ve been binge-reading them and loving every second.
Watching-wise, life lately has basically turned into one long cosy paranormal TV binge and honestly… I’m not mad about it. I started rewatching Sleepy Hollow, which is still one of my all-time favourite TV shows. I’m honestly STILL annoyed it got cancelled because it was brilliant.
I also finally watched all of Haven from beginning to end after only seeing a couple of seasons years ago, and I became completely obsessed with it. Why did nobody talk more about that show?! It had exactly the kind of cosy paranormal mystery vibe I adore.
We also watched The Pitt and OMG… that series is EPIC. What incredible acting. The fact that each season takes place over just one day or night is such a clever concept and it makes everything feel so intense and immersive. Honestly, no wonder it won awards. And Noah Wyle is absolutely SUPERB in it. Like… genuinely outstanding.
I’m currently watching The Librarians too because I’d only ever caught random episodes before. It’s such a fun comfort watch.
I also tried rewatching Sanctuary, which I loved years ago, and while I still adore the storyline… wow, the special effects are definitely testing me this time around lol.
Then there’s Tracker, which is completely different from my usual kind of thing but I’m really enjoying it. Justin Hartley is perfect in that role and I also love that Jensen Ackles pops up in it too.
Michael and I have also fallen into watching Michael Portillo’s train journeys around Japan and Korea, which has made us desperately want to visit both someday. Afterwards we watched The Last Samurai because we wanted more Japanese atmosphere and honestly… what a film. I cried SO much. It’s one of those movies that just stays with you.
Another thing that’s been part of life lately is me falling completely down the Rocky Kanaka rabbit hole on YouTube. I’ve been watching so many of his Sitting with Dogs videos and honestly… they get me every single time. As you probably already know, I absolutely adore animals of all kinds, so watching nervous rescue dogs slowly begin trusting someone again completely melts me.
And now I’ve found myself REALLY wanting another dog lately. A little one this time. A proper loving lapdog. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s turning 50. Maybe it’s because I never had children and there’s some sort of nurturing energy bubbling up in me again lately… I honestly don’t know. But the feeling has definitely been getting stronger.
At the moment I’m trying to convince Michael, who has always been much more of a cat person than a dog person. Although realistically… I’m the one who does all the feeding, walking and general looking after everybody anyway lol. So really, would one more tiny mouth to feed even make that much difference at this point? Honestly… probably not 😂.
So yes… life lately has felt slower, softer and a little strange at times. Turning 50 has brought a mixture of discomfort, reflection, creativity slumps and surprisingly lovely little moments too. And maybe this stage of life isn’t really about forcing myself to become more productive or trying to get back to some previous version of myself. Maybe it’s just about listening a little more closely… and slowly finding my way into this next version of me instead.
(And if life lately has also felt like a strange mix of living in hoodies, avoiding uncomfortable bras and quietly trying to figure everything out… trust me, you are definitely not alone.)
